How we view the world is influenced by the groups that we participate in. What ends up happening though is that the desire to be part of a group is so strong that we often don’t question beliefs, perspectives, or assumptions. We’re unable to defend our position because our greater desire or instinct is to be a part of that community that we never really ask ourselves the right questions to be clear about what we want. On today’s show, Patrick Donohoe shares some introspective questions to help you get clear about what you really want. How about you? Are you certain about what you want? Tune in to today’s episode to get clear about what you want so you’re able to make progress towards it.
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What You Want: Getting Clear About Your Goals And Desires
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed our episode with Brock Pierce, the presidential candidate. It made me think a little bit about politics and now is a super chaotic time. I hope you aren’t getting caught up in it. It’s a psychological trap. Hopefully, you are going into it with the most objective perspective possible. I want you to think about a couple of things. This is what’s been on my mind. It loops into what we’ve talked about, as well as our environment. The first is a statement which is, “The decisions you make now are either taking you away from or getting you closer to what you want.” The second statement is, “Life is a dance between what you fear the most and what you want the most.”
In my experience, the problem lies with not being clear about what you want and also not being clear about what you are afraid of. It’s evident that there is a lot of group psychology that goes into perspective. Few people are able to defend their position and rightfully so because one of the instincts that we have is to be a part of a group and a community. It brings out our self-confidence. It validates our strengths, achievements and who we are. We were able to find an identity there. That desire to be part of a group is strong that we often don’t question beliefs. We don’t question perspectives and assumptions.
We’re all part of groups. I’m not excluding myself from this because I’m part of religious and business groups. I’m in the United States. I’m in Utah. I’m in Salt Lake City. I’m from the East Coast. I have friend groups there. I graduated from university. I have a group there. We all have perspectives of how we view the world influenced by these groups that we participate in. What ends up happening, in my experience is those dominate our psychology. They dominate our perspective and we’re afraid of being wrong. We’re also afraid of not achieving what we want that we never ask ourselves the right questions to be clear about what we want. The decisions that we’re making keeps us in this holding pattern.The decisions you make today are either taking you away from or getting you closer to what you want. Click To Tweet
I believe if we do not ask ourselves specific questions daily, then we’re essentially backtracking or falling behind. We’re not making progress and it’s making it even more difficult to have a paradigm shift. It’s more difficult to understand what we’re afraid of, why and what we want. I’m going to give you some examples based on the experiences I have with clients specifically in the financial advice space, which I play in a lot. I also have a few dozen advisors that work with me directly. I also mentor through a group called the Prosperity Economics Movement with my friend and mentor Kim Butler and her husband, Todd Langford. This comes from me hearing from advisors about what clients want and trying to get clear about what they want.
I’ll use a few simple ones so you can understand this. I’m going to apply it to some business principles. It is one of the best times to be aware, to be objective and to be clear. If you think about money and financial advice, most people want more money. It’s almost universal. They rarely are clear about why they want it. This is an easy way to progress through what you want. I’ll give an example, “I want more money.” Why do you want more money? What is it about money that is intriguing to you? Nobody wants paper and ink or more numbers in a bank account. If you had billions of dollars in a bank account and couldn’t spend it, what good is that?
It’s what comes from money. Why do you want more money? I don’t want to worry. First off, there are two lessons in that response. Number one, most people are clear about what they don’t want but are not very clear about what they do want. You then can get down another trail where you ask about what they want. I want more time with my wife. I want more time with my kids. Now you’re starting to hit upon some of the core values people have, which is important that can ultimately be leveraged for you but also leveraged when it comes to understanding others but wanting to spend more time with kids. The question can go deeper. What about spending time with kids is important to you? Why do you want to spend time with your kids? What’s that time like? Is the quality there? I have two teenage girls and it has to be quality time because they don’t want the quantity time. They want quality time.
What about that is what you want? Going to leverage. Unfortunately, most people are driven to change and driven to action by pain. This is what I usually love to ask when I’m talking with clients who specifically talk about, “I want to spend more time with my family, my wife and my kids.” What about that is important to you? Why do you want to spend more time? What would you do? I asked the question. If nothing changes, you don’t spend time with your kids and life continues on, what is life going to look like 2, 5, 10 years from now? You can get into a person and understanding if I don’t do that, then it’s going to impact me and I’m going to have lots of regrets.
My kids are not going to have the greatest relationship with me or at least the relationship that I want. Grandkids could be part of that equation too. You start to open up and understand that the inaction and making the same decisions as you’re making. Money is always an excuse. Time is like a great arbiter of life. We all have the same amount, but we choose to be a certain way, show up a certain way, and manage our time in a certain way. It’s funny where people will binge on Netflix movies, but they have all the excuses in the world to go to the gym, which ultimately can get you in better shape. You have more energy and show up to more time with kids where you’re in a great mood and state and where the quality is there.
The questions I usually ask myself are, “If I was able to spend the quality time with my kids and I felt the way that I wanted to feel. I felt it fully and completely, what’s even more important that I want.” It gets to deeper levels. I want to have cool experiences with them. I want to teach, educate and inspire them. You start to get into some more core reasons and values. The reasons why you’re driven to get up in the morning into work, to take risks and to have a family.The biggest opportunities come from the biggest problems and the biggest pains today. Click To Tweet
I look at these introspective questions and you usually get down to the same thing which is I want more peace. I want more joy. That’s what’s interesting and we’ve talked about this on the show before, but there are moments that you can reflect on in a meditative state, understand and experience joy and peace without having to go through all of these different things. It is not to say that growing, earning more money and making more money isn’t important. I believe that’s the hardest way to get what you want. Even more interesting is that when you can go about understanding yourself, being introspective, and living in that state, the more likely and the quicker you’re going to make more money. Grow in your business. Understand what you want to do. That’s what I would encourage you, this one thing, which is to be introspective. You have to be introspective about what you want and why you want it. You then can start to associate not present pain, but future pain. If your decisions continued to be the same, your circumstances continue to be the same.
Here’s where I’m going to go next. I’m huge on personal development and growth expansion. I haven’t personally experienced this, but I have clients who are in their 60s, 70s, 80s so I can attest to this firsthand is that getting to a point where you don’t have to produce and work will not give you a meaningful life. I’m not saying to work 40, 50, 80 hours a week, but finding ways to be productive is east central. The reason why I bring that up is that if your lens to the world is based on how you can be introspective and understand what you believe. Understand what you want most and what you’re most afraid of and start to connect present, and future consequences associated with continuing to believe that way. Continuing to make the same decisions, that is why number one, you’re going to be way happier. Number two, you’re going to start to look at the world differently.
Now, infinite problems and infinite pain. Group psychology, holy crap. It’s the political season. People don’t understand economic principles, tax principles and fiscal principles. They understand aspects of it but what they believe is based on the group that they’re associating with. We banter back and forth. The two dominant political parties have weaponized all sorts of issues. What’s funny is that you have facts and information that can be spun in both directions. That’s why I said in the beginning, don’t get caught up in this crap or you can start to see is opportunities, problems because usually, the biggest opportunities come from the biggest problems and the biggest pain.
There continues to be south of a million people claiming unemployment benefits. We’re hurting. Businesses are going out. I imagine you are doing well reading this blog and the ways in which you can improve yourself and your income. Hopefully, you’ve gained some tips and knowledge about how to be a freelancer, be a contractor and all of the opportunities to work remotely that exist these days. It’s fascinating how many opportunities there are, yet there are many people without work. Hopefully, this puts you in the position of looking at your day, your routine and having a new lens. That lens is the problems that exist for people, the pain associated with it, the consequences, but also providing and making it possible a new direction, solution and a new way of looking at things. Articulating a problem and being clear about what’s holding you back. What are you most afraid of? What do you want the most? What is the obstacle that’s in your way?
Understanding that for yourself allows you to an interface, have a dialogue with others and form a meaningful relationship. Hopefully, it’s a business relationship. There are a lot of people that are down and out. There are people that are going to lose their homes. They’re not going to have to rent, which means that rental incomes are most likely going to go up. You’re going to have some challenges with taxes, especially if the administration changes, but even if it doesn’t, we’re in such a fiscal mess that we’re going to have tax changes. If you’re in the financial world, there are many opportunities to spread news, ideas and what you’re doing. Doing it in the framework of this problem, the pain associated with that problem and the possibility that there is a solution.
Now is an incredible time to understand where you’re at. You’re dancing between what you fear the most and what you want the most. It’s never going to change. Fears are going to change and what you want is going to change. It’s like an infinite game, but the dance is not going to change. Your ability to be aware, your ability to be introspective and to know what you want to achieve and accomplish that day. The decisions that you make, there’s more insight into them. There’s more reflection into them and the motivations behind them. I believe that will make you, number one, more radiant happy and peaceful. That is a force for good. It’s a power that allows you to have conversations with people from an attacking perspective, from the energy that wants to help and make an impact.
I know this from experience. I know this from reading and having this insatiable desire to understand human behavior and what makes people tick. Relationships to me are hugely important. I sit in this empty office and I don’t have as much interface with people anymore. It made me understand how important that is to me, but then also make the most out of the interactions and the relationships that I am able to interface and have a dialogue with more often.
Hopefully, this has struck a little bit of a chord. I believe all opportunities, investments, businesses and relationships operate within this framework. If you think about it. Understanding it for yourself is vital. If you don’t understand it, you’re not going to be able to adequately understand the perspective and the paradigm of others. Hopefully, this resonates. There are a few books that I would recommend. Thanks for reading this episode. Go out there and make a difference. Be the solution and the possibility for someone. Those opportunities are everywhere.
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